One in 10

Closing in on our a year and half mark of marriage and I discovered that I'm suffering from PCOS. It's said to affect 10% of the women population in the world. Can't gamble but I could just land myself in that 10% window.. sigh..

Discovery of the syndrome was upsetting, insightful of what's going on in my body but at the same time interesting with it being my first experience of a vaginal ultrasound! The word here is 'vaginal'..

So there I am lying on the bed with the ultrasound machine to the right of my head. The doc slides herself up to the bed on her stool on wheels and holds up a probe which doesn't look anything like what I'm used to seeing(short and roundish). Puts some jelly on it. Bends down to open up a drawer and pull out a string of.. CONDOMS! Packed in gold foil, Trojan brand... Haha! Like I said.. the word here is 'vaginal'. *wink* Only then did it hit me what kind of ultrasound I was going to have exactly.. We (doc and me) had a good laugh over my look of surprise with the condom in play.. A light hearted moment just before the seriousness of the situation sinking in in the form of a black and white picture. Wished ck was with me then..

Been put on medication with Metformin as part of my daily diet. It first started as 500mg pills and within few weeks, it increased to 850mg portions, 3 times a day! I HATE PILLS! It coming in a 850mg size is a real pain in the ... throat! And the side effects! *swoon....* Daily nausea and 'never experienced before' grade 10 (on the scale of 1 - 10 with 10 being the worst!) diarrhea. On the bright side.. I lost some weight! That is if you think suffering through the side effects is a good and bright enough side to lose weight.

Overall, i feel that it's the psychological effect this disease has over me thats the hardest to handle. Not being an perfect optimal 'prime' partner to produce a child together with ck... Not being strong enough. Not being healthy enough. How do you tell family members and friends when they ask you when you're having a baby? By saying, I can't?

To all PCOS sufferers and couples who are trying to add on to their family, don't lose hope. I mean it when I say I know how you feel. The loneliness and ache in your heart when you hear of friends or even strangers getting pregnant with ease or when you see a child with his/her parents just bonding and being a family or in my case see parents every week share the many magical moments with their child in my KM class. Watching them grow mentally, physically and socially.. With some parents doubting my abilities to instruct and share with them the growth of their child just because I have none of my own.. Hang on ladies.. You're not alone. Your hubby's there for you. I'm here for you.. God's here for you. I know He is for me even though there are many times I doubt that. Sometimes, I find myself barely hanging to my thread of faith but I'm still hanging in there because I know my God is good God.. With faith like a child, I claim and sing.

My God is so big!

So strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do

For me

By the way, did I mention that when I do get pregnant, there's a 50% higher chance of miscarrying than those who do not have PCOS? Talk about trials..